Psychotic Love Song
by VocalRaynbow
Summary: Gumi was her everything. Her everything and only. But what about when that reality falls apart? What happens then?
1. Stop It

AN;; Yep, this is inspired by Yanderenka. I am a huge LeleleP fangirl if you don't know. I have all his songs, previews, and demos, a physical copy of his best of album (and hoping to get his first two albums), and I stalk his blog, Mylist, and Piapro. =w=

Just to clear things up: This is not a songfic. I am not stealing ideas and lines, word for word. I am not expanding upon his story. This will not involve Len at all, not even as a supporting character. I hope I can craft an emotional story that delivers as much impact as the original song, but I am not copying the original song. Good? Onto the fic! Also, I recommend you read in half.

I.

Limp, unmoving. Silent. Cool skin, eyes glazed over.

"Over". It was over. It was over and done with and _fare_ freaking_ well_. Goodbye. Done. Stick a fork in it.

Her hand still lay there, grasping fruitlessly at the air, collapsed in exhaustion on the floor. Short hair tangled and mussed and strewn and stained. But her eyes were still open. Creamy, milky. Gorgeous little clover irises, staring blankly at the ceiling. Pretty white skin, but it was too white. Much much much too white. Without life, and stained. Tainted. Splotched and spattered with the most horrible crimson.

It was over over over over.

Her lips were parted eternally, still oddly pink and soft. Her last scream hung in the air. Vibrating, pulsating. Banging and ripping on your ear drums. Screams that made the blood ripple and shift, as if it were water. As if it were some pure, beautiful thing. Blood everywhere. Blood like paint. Blood like spilled milk. So don't cry. Don't cry, don't cry, don't you dare cry.

It's your fault.

So you don't have the right to cry now. You can't say you're sorry, that you don't mean it. Because you killed her, you murdered that girl while she screamed. She cared about you.

She didn't care. _She didn't give a crap about anything_!

Rin stared at the mess, her own blue eyes wide. Tears brimmed the edges, threatening to spill out at any time. But she couldn't cry. She had no right to cry, now. That knife in her hand, that red encrusted knife, told that story in an infinite loop, condescending and all-knowing and _freaking annoying_.

The concrete was cool and damp on her bare feet. The scarlet pool spread further, brushing her toes and staining more, more.

"_Give me more, more! Tell me who you care about!"_

"You." The memories flooded in. The dam in her eyes broke as well, letting loose all her emotions. "You you you you you..."

"I cared about you."

She began to tremble, shake. Her teeth chattered as if she were cold, and her back arched in. But she was not cold. She shivered and shook and sobbed as the blood flowed further from the dead girl. And the screams just wouldn't stop. They wouldn't stop ever ever. She clutched at her ears. Make it stop! Make it _stop_!

_Stop it_

_Stop it_

_Stop it_

_Hurry_

A final scream pierced the air, although who it was I could not say.


	2. Gray

AN;; The 'dividing' things in this story will be the 'stop it's. Got it? Good. I'm going to try and speed up. My plan is a chapter a day. Hopefully I can keep running with that. ovo

II.

The sky was gray. Grayer than any before it, heavy and dark and thick with terrible premonitions. This was the sort of weather people traveled off in, never to return. This was the sort of weather people died in. You could feel the moisture, feel the pressure on your shoulders. No doubt it would rain soon. No doubt.

And yet she ran, without any sort of umbrella or jacket. She was _smiling_, of all things. Daring the rain to pour down. Daring the lightning to crash. Daring the cars to try and run her over as she ran a mini marathon to their meeting place. _Their _place. The one little spot that she could say she honestly loved. And the one person...

...sssssssstop it...

Back then, the air was clear and fresh. The sun shone brightly and the grasses wavered in the evening light. The sky was that delightful gold-pink. And she sat at that place, sunflowers swaying all around. She was waiting for _her_. And she would wait hours without a complaint. Just to see that smile...

And there she was, bounding over the hill. Her cute brow was furrowed, trying to push forward and make it. Her hair was short and green, slightly tangled from the wind. Her body was so thin and petite and perfect... And she stopped. Rin smiled back at her.

"Ri~n," Gumi whined playfully. "We really should pick a closer spot. My legs are _killing_ me." She grinned and rubbed at her legs. Her perfect blemishless soft smooth perfect so perfect so perfect...

"But this place is _beautiful_," Rin reminded her love. Sunlight rippling off of the pond and the grass wavering so elegantly. Light, light everywhere and it was _gorgeous_. "And anyway," she went on, "we've been coming here for years. Why change it now?"

They sat together on the bench, and it was so wonderful and dreamlike. Discussing such simple things. Smiling and laughing, hands entwined. It wasn't hard to twist it, make it romantic. They were so close... Rin loved her more than anything, more than anyone.

"Hey Rin?" Gumi asked, prodding her in the side. "How come you've never had a boyfriend?" Her expression was playful, teasing. Perfectly normal and, well, _Gumi_. Rin couldn't think of anything she loved more.

In response, she shrugged. "I never saw the need," Rin smiled, shutting her eyes for a moment. She wanted this to last forever. Forever and ever and infinity. Just sitting there, hand in hand, with _her_ love. Warmth, all around. Beauty, all around. She never wanted to let it go.

But all good things eventually come to an end, as she later knew all too well.

...sssssssstop it...

And so she stood, finally, under that gray sky. Daring the rain to pour down. And she would smile! Because she would have her Gumi, her Gumi. Her love her darling her everything. When Gumi arrived she would wrap her arms about the girl and sit her down and talk. Talk about all sorts of things. Smile and laugh together, like before. Like before...

That warm day had been their last meeting in months. Gumi had gone away for a while. Gone into a special program. It was far away, and her love had been away for months. The last time she had seen her was August. It was now April of the next year. And, god, she couldn't wait to see _her_ Gumi's face again. See her cheerful face and love her, _love_ her like always. Because Gumi was _her's_. _Her's_. Her's forever and always and eternally. Even after death, she would never loosen her grip. No...No...

Thunder rippled in the sky, booming ominously. Rin didn't think much of it. Rain pattered on the pavement, turned the soil to mud, moistened her clothing. Rin didn't think much of it. As long as she had her Gumi, she would brave anything. Storms didn't mean _crap_ to her, no. Even if she didn't have an umbrella...Even if she was getting all wet and cold...

_Where was Gumi_?

A shudder ran through her. Her spine tingled and she gripped at her arms. Gumi...Gumi would show up eventually. Right?

_Where was her Gumi_?

She began to feel doubtful. But, no. Gumi had never been a no-show before. She was always punctual. She always showed up. Rin shivered and felt a pressure in her throat. The rain came down harder still. All she could hear, see, was the steady rushhh, rushhh of gray. Except for the occasional bout of thunder or crack of lightning.

_She's not coming_.

Tears brimmed Rin's eyes. No, surely Gumi would come! Surely! She...She always came. She was always there. She was Rin's love, Rin's _true love_. She would never...She could never...

Her phone began to vibrate softly in her pocket. Startled, Rin pulled it out and gazed, trembling, at the screen. Shivers ran down her spine, tears ran down her cheeks. And she was so cold, so cold...

"_hey rin! with my bf right now. ;) its too wet outside to go._"

Rin shook. Boyfriend...Boyfriend... Surely it was a misunderstanding. Gumi could never...Gumi would never! Gumi was her's, right? Wasn't that true? Gumi was her love, her true love. She could never forgive this "boyfriend" person. Gumi had promised to never abandon her for someone else... Right? G-granted...She and Gumi weren't in any sort of relationship. They were just really good friends, officially. But Rin loved her, with all her heart.

_Loved her loved her loved her..._

Without an umbrella. Without a jacket. Without her love. Rin stood there, all wet and dripping, as the rain poured and poured down. She wasn't quite sure it was the rain that left those puddles. Perhaps they were caused by her tears. Her tears, which flowed steadily down and choked her, choked her. She couldn't breathe.

Gumi's constant cheer, kindness. Her cute little laugh. The way her green hair bounced as she did. How she never seemed to faulter or tire. And that slight shyness. Such a beautiful, adorable person. Rin refused to give her up, let her go.

Gumi was _her's_.


	3. Denial

AN;; Sorry for being a bit late! I don't really know what happened. But, welp, here's Chapter 3. I hope it came out decent. o_o;

III.

Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left.

Each step is muffled like the quiet padding of a kitten on soft soil. Steady as well, each foot coming in a beat, a rhythm. Timed exactly and right. Left. Right. Left. Impossibly precise. Immeasurably dull. Immeasurably painful.

She couldn't describe how much each single step ached. Each time her leg swung forward to take yet another. She was tired. All...All she wanted to do was give up, at this point. Give up and let it all shatter, let it all break. It hurt so much, going through life like this. She and Gumi had stopped the meetings. Once upon a time, they had been daily. After that, weekly. Then monthly. But still wonderful and treasured, _loved_. But now, now...

Rin hadn't heard from Gumi since that rainy day, which had been two weeks ago. But she would see _her_ love again soon. Gumi was introducing Rin to her boyfriend, who she had met in the program. It would take all her willpower, she was sure, not to strangle the boy on the spot. Gumi was _her's_. Her's and her's only and _don't you dare take her away, damn it_. Her's. Heeer's.

Rin stopped. Steady pace halting suddenly, completely. Momentum ripped away. And she stared at her love with wide blue eyes. Eyes that were bloodshot and bagged and dulled. Eyes still moist from tears, still hurting from anger. A throat sore from swallowing. Hands scratched and scabbed from nails digging into them. And her breathing was rough and ragged. But she doubted Gumi noticed that. She was too wrapped up in her perfect little fairy tale with her new boyfriend.

Gumi was smiling brightly, her perfectly fluffy green hair fluttering in the breeze, wafting through the window. Her round green eyes glittered. Her soft little lips were forming a smile. Rin always looked at those lips first. Those soft, sweet lips... She was sure they would be delicious. As delicious as the grins Gumi made. As delicious as the softness of the girl's skin. And as delicious as the theoretical giggles she made as that skin was touched and caressed. Molded. Made her's. But there was no need for proving. Gumi was her's. Gumi was always her's. From birth until death, Gumi would always belong to Rin.

"Ri~n," her love chirped, holding onto a man's arm. "This is my boyfriend. Isn't he cute?" She said this so happily, with such joy... No. It was fake. Her expressions and actions and words were completely and utterly fake. She could never love such a plain man. Gumi had more taste than _that_. Gumi was a beautiful girl. Why would she kiss someone so dull? No... It was all an act. To assure that Rin loved her. To assure that Rin would always be there for her. No...doubt...

"Yeah. Nice catch," Rin replied rather weakly, shooting Gumi a crooked smile. She couldn't see the man's face. In her mind, it was blurred and blank and unreadable. Gumi's sweet smile was all she could see. Was all she _wanted_ to see. Pure perfection. And it all belonged to her, right? Wasn't that true? It had for years. Gumi had loved her best. And that was true now too, wasn't it? Didn't she love Rin too? Wasn't that...

"I love him a lot. More than anyone else I've dated, in fact!" Gumi cheerfully interjected, breaking Rin's thought process. Breaking her hopes. She loved him more than anyone. More than anyone... But she wasn't including Rin, right? Because it was simply so _obvious_ that... That.. She felt the not so subtle threat of tears, and denied them. Pushed them back. Showed them that she was stronger, ha. Hahahaha... Hahahaha...

Rin began to laugh out loud. "Hahahaha," she croaked. "Hahahahahahahaha..." Her voice was weak, breaking. Fading. She couldn't control herself. She began to laugh harder, louder. She couldn't see their faces, couldn't see them over the tears blossoming in her eyes and the pressure in her head, pulsating, pulsating. The tears began to roll down her cheeks and she choked. Choked like a pathetic, lonely little girl. One shriveling on the floor, oblivious to the people staring, pointing. Wondering why, hahahaha...Hahahaha... Laughing while she cried. Laughing to the point of choking as she cried.

Breaking.

She was breaking. Breaking like a doll. Shattering and crumbling and toppling like the twin towers. She couldn't look at her love. Couldn't stare Gumi in the face and say she was alright. Because she wasn't. She wasn't alright at all and she was a _terrible_ liar. She always had been and it was no different now. She couldn't tell Gumi she was fine and dandy and whoop dee freaking doo. It just wasn't possible. Covering her swollen eyes, Rin cursed and sobbed, sobbed as hard as she could. Cried out in agony. She couldn't help it. It _hurt _so much.

Gumi and Mr. Prince Charming were long gone. They had fled as she had begun to cry, murmuring that perhaps she needed a moment alone. But that wasn't what she wanted. She didn't want to be alone. She didn't _ever_ want to be alone. The very word frightened her. She needed her Gumi back. Not this fake shell who she could only gaze at from afar. Not this uncaring, taken _stranger_. She needed her little green haired beauty who giggled too much and seemed to be perpetually drunk on life.

Perhaps if she had been more forceful. Perhaps if she had told Gumi exactly how she'd felt. Perhaps if she had been more clear, told her not to go to that program. Gumi would still be her's. They might be officially together, kissing each other each time they would part. Oh god, wouldn't that be wonderful? Wouldn't that be so blissful? So perfect and simple and amazing...

But that was not reality. She fell back into her tears, her memories. Rin would never let go of _her_ Gumi. Not this Gumi. _Her_ Gumi. The Gumi that was born to be her's, destined to kiss her and love her like no other.

There was a clump of green hair lying on the floor. Smiling softly in spite of herself, she tucked it in her jacket. Ah, love...


	4. 1001

AN;; Thanks for all the great reviews guys! Keep at it. I love when people read and tell me what they think. Oh, and because you reviewed without an account:

Brain-eater XXI- Thank you. I really appreciate that. c: I've been trying to express her emotions and I'm happy it got through. As for the her's/hers, fff. I wasn't even paying attention. It's fixed in this chapter, and I'll add it to the previous ones when the story is finished. orz

IV.

Hehehehe. Hehehehehehehehe.

Her scent was so sweet. So deliciously sweet and lovely. And it was hers. Hers to devour. The featherly green strands, snatched from wherever she could find them. Rin brought the hairs to her lips and kissed them. She was Gumi's true Prince Charming, right? She would sweep the girl off her feet and carry her away into the sunset. She would _love_ Gumi like no one else. She would _take_ Gumi places she had never dreamed possible.

Drawing away, Rin placed the hairs back on their nametagged pedestal of sorts. They glowed in the light, rippling just as their still live brethren were doing, perhaps right that moment. To their right was a collection of gum Gumi has chewed, a couple actually still moist with her saliva. Rin brought her lips down and kiss-sucked on one for a little bit. It tasted of _Gumi_. Of her delicious mouth and all its secrets. Just like it has tasted in Rin's dreams.

Such sweet and lonely dreams they were.

But of course. Ones heated and unspeakable, but _wonderful_ nonetheless. Wonderfully terrible. Terribly wonderful. She grinned slightly. Dreams that consumed her. Dreams that perfumed her with such amazing smells and tastes. Gumi's face, moistened with sweat. Skin bare and ready to be devoured, _taken_. Molded.

_Shaped_. _Created_. _Made hers_. _Hers forever and always_.

Next in line were bottles that Gumi's lips had drunk from, scarves that had warmed her neck, shopping lists she had scribbled. A whole junk drawer of _Gumi_. But it wasn't junk to Rin. It was a treasure chest filled to the brim with glittering little diamonds. Things that Gumi had touched. Things that Gumi had worn and used and done. Proof of her living and existing and being...Being amazing. The scarf of hers still smelled like carrots. The shopping list had not yet yellowed. The bottles were not yet past their expiration. They were fresh and new and so connected to _her_.

Strewn across the floor were the rest of her mementos. Photos and bits of string and phone numbers. Pictures of Gumi and Rin, standing side by side, eating at restaurants, dancing, being _together_. And ones of Gumi alone. Modeling shots from the program she had gone off to. Her in bathing suits, gorgeous dresses. Smiling truly and sincerely and Rin couldn't help but love her all the more. Love her even more for her certainty and sincerity and charm.

_Charming. Charming like the princess she is._

Gumi was gone. Gone from her grip. They hadn't spoken in so long. It had gotten warmer and colder and warmer again in the months that passed. And still, Gumi stayed with that man. Loved him "more than anyone". She was reduced to a celebrity status in Rin's mind. Someone to idolize and fantasize about, but never have. The sweet apple that even now she was denied. The sweet, desired apple.

_Mine Mine Mine Mine_

The walls were covered with scribbles. Most were illegible scrawlings to clear her head. Others were clear.

_Come baaack_

_Mine Mine Mine Mine_

Her head was never clear anymore. It was throbbing, pulsing constantly. Thoughts and ideas passed through at random, drifting like unwanted clouds through a humid, misty sky. Half the time, she didn't even know what she was doing. She pulled at her limp blond hair. Yanked it right out of her head. Chunks lined her room, lightly carpeting the floor. Her fingernails were roughly bitten. Her lips were scabbed and chapped.

_Can't think can't see can't breathe I'm choking_

She felt like a shell. A blind shell, rising with every breath but not really _breathing_. No air actually filling lungs, but just appearing to do so. Never sleeping, never speaking. Just staring. Staring and staring but never actually seeing. Not crying, never crying. Never feeling. No feeling but that desperate love, that lost love. That which was longed for, desired so strongly.

_Need her..._

She hadn't gone to school in months. For her own health, her mother had said. She wasted away every day, lying on her bed and staring. Ripping out her soul, day by day. Day by day. On occasion, she would sneak out and take things of Gumi's. Articles of clothing, food... Most recently, it had been Gumi's diary. But Rin had been reluctant to read it.

Until now, that is.

Rin collapsed on her yellow sunflower sheets. Once upon a time, they and seemed soft and habitable. She had snuggled into them after a long, exhausting day. But now they were stiff from overuse and she hated them all the more for it. What little hair she had left spread out under her head, atop the now lumpy and gray pillow she used to adore. "Used to". It came up so often now.

Gumi had very neat handwriting. Rin loved that about her. It swirled and curved and every 'i' was dotted with a little heart. Hearts for her, she had once convinced herself. But she knew now that Gumi was not her's. Gumi had chosen someone "else". And as much as she tried to convince herself...

"_Dear Diary,_

_Hehe, this is fun. I used to keep a journal when I was little, but it's been ages! I hope I can fill this up by the end of the month to show Rin that I _can_ stay committed to something._"

That was right. She remembered pressuring Gumi into getting a diary to help her keep track of her thoughts. It had helped considerably. For a moment, she smiled. It was nice to know that she had made an impact on Gumi's life... She flipped forward some.

"_Dear Diary,_

_Rin is such a sweetie. If I weren't straight, I swear I'd have her for myself. ~ _"

"_Dear Diary,_

_I'm going to a modeling program for a few months. Wish me luck! Rin just saw me off and I'm on the plane now. I hope I do well, hehe._"

"_Dear Diary,_

_Modeling is going pretty well. Apparently I'm really photogenic. Some of the other girls told me that and I couldn't help but feel bad. They're all a lot prettier than I am. But Rin beats them all! So Rin, if you ever happen to read this, I'm so jealous of your cuteness._"

"_Dear Diary,_

_I just met the most amazing guy ever. He gets all my weird jokes and everything. I'm talking to him on the phone right now. His parents made him go to this program. Apparently modeling runs in the family. Haha._"

"_Dear Diary,_

_Remember that guy I mentioned? We've started dating! This is the best thing ever. I can't wait to tell all my friends at home. Hey guys, beat you~._"

"_Dear Diary,_

_I'm not sure what's up with Rin. I went and introduced her to John, but she ended up doing this bizarre laugh-cry 2x combo. Everyone else was really excited though! Miku wanted to steal him from me. I had to drag him back to my house. Did I mention? He's staying with me for the time being. Eee!_"

"_Dear Diary,_

_John makes the best pancakes ever. That is all_."

Rin stared at the pages. No tears came, but she felt the pressure all the same. With every page, Gumi talked more and more about "John" and became more and more alien. She wasn't even the same girl anymore. This Gumi was different. Rin couldn't love this Gumi. Rin could never learn to love this Gumi, and this Gumi could never learn to love her. She was foreign. Different. Rin read the last page.

"_Dear Diary,_

_It's official. John and I have crossed the line into "serious couple" and we're NOT going back. Hehehe. His kisses are always so sweet! _"

It was written exactly two days ago. Two long, terrible days. But they were no doubt _wonderful_ for Gumi. Images flooded Rin's mind. Gumi pressed up against her boyfriend. Passion rippling throughout the room. He made her "his". This Gumi was "his" now. He had "taken" her, so she was now "his". Rin felt emotion for the first time in a while. A horrible anger, drenching her. Spreading through to her fingers and making her rip and wrinkle the pages of the diary. Clearing her cloudy head. And one word was left.

Kill.

She found herself slipping into a blind rage, ripping up the diary. Tearing it apart and imagining it was _him_. Imagining she was ripping his _organs_ apart and spattering _every single wall_ with his blood and loving _every single second_ of it. The once beloved book lay empty and torn at her feet. Broken. He _broke_ her and she would_ break_ him back. She would _break_ his heart and _break_ his body and _break _his soul. _Crush_ it and _rip_ it and watch it _die_.

Kill kill kill.

She found herself prying open the window by her bed, climbing out into the dead of night. She held that knife tight in her hand, jerking it every so often. Too eager. Too willing. Her eyes were wide and dead, searching.

He would pay.


	5. A

AN;; Oh god guys I don't even know what happened. .~. Sorry for the delay. I guess I just lost my inspiration for a bit? I really appreciate your patience and all the comments and critiques you made. They mean the world to me. I hope you enjoy the last chapter of this. I certainly enjoyed writing it. And there _may_ or _may not_ be a little continuation. We'll see.

V.

She was not guilty. For once in Rin's life, she could not feel any regret, remorse. She was not sorry. Her hands still clenched that knife tightly, tightly. Never letting go. Like a small child, clinging to their blanket for support. Holding it and never ever ever letting go. Seeming so silly, but they needed that blanket. They depended on it.

_Need it need her so badly_

There were only two people that lived in this house. Two people. They were happy and everyone always said they were "made for each other". A sweet girl and her nice, responsible boyfriend. They didn't have too many neighbors, but it was fine. They had "each other".

It made Rin want to up and vomit.

She held her knife tight and shut the garage door with a _creeeak_, _snap_. Stepped across the linoleum floor, like a predator. Except not the sort that slept all day and took down a large animal with just a swipe of the paw. Rather, one hardened and looked down upon. One forced to _rip_ and _tear_ and get _hurt_ just to eat one meal. One treated as vermin and killed as such. Stepped on.

So as the predator stepped past vases and paintings and nice comfortable couches, she couldn't help but scowl all the harder. She was not angry at Gumi. Not _her_ Gumi, anyway. But this one. This one who was _taken_ and spoiled rotten by her "love". This one who was not hers. Would never be hers. She was angry at them. She was furious at them.

_Give it back_.

Her head pulsed violently again. Over and over and over again. She couldn't hear her own heartbeat, couldn't control her own breathing. The pulsing, throbbing always took over. Swam at her eyes and made her legs tremble. Virtually blinded her, but left instinct in tact. She could no longer reason. She was no longer "conscious". She could see nothing but rage. Could taste nothing but hatred.

Kill it. Kill it _now_.

Slipping down the hallway silently. Ascending the stairs. Bare feet snuggling into foreign carpet. Welcomed by unfamiliarity. She had been in Gumi's house before, but it had been ages. Two years, perhaps. Maybe three. And, god, so much had changed. Even in darkness, she saw the pictures propped up on endtables and hung on the walls. Ones where she and her "love" held each other, or posed in a photographically convenient manner. "Smiling" with those fake little eyes and "holding" each other with such reluctant fingers.

But she passed all that. Didn't give it a second glance. Still walking on. Too blind, too in pain. She felt her way around, groped in the blackness swimming at her peripheral vision. And she found a doorknob. It was round and cool and inviting. Begging her to just turn it and enter the room within. Daring her. And she gladly gave it a whirl.

_No self control_.

Inside, the air was chilled. The hum of an air conditioner filled the air. Masked her footsteps. Rin tucked the knife into her pocket and stepped forward. Little by little, advancing. Careful and cautious and head pulsating, pulsating. She began to tremble and shiver as she neared Gumi's sleeping form.

_Zzz_

Gumi's sweet, slumbering face. Eyes shut peacefully, lips gently puckered. Chest rising and falling, rising and falling. Looking so beautiful and innocent. So irresistibly perfect. Rin placed her hands on Gumi's shoulders, pressing her palms into the girl's silky nightshirt. She felt the rage ebb away slightly. Enchanted by her love's beauty. Her love's constant perfection. _Her_ love. Now that he was gone, wasn't Gumi _hers_ again?

_Happiness. Sweet, sweet bliss._

Gumi's eyes fluttered open. Looking so graceful, so beautiful. Revealing such a sweet lime. Ah, Rin wanted to taste that lime. She wanted to _taste_ every bit of Gumi. To _take_ every bit of her. To _devour _and _own_ every millimeter. She felt every unpleasant feeling drain away. Slip away, down, down. And each one replace with love. The truest, sweetest love. And...hunger. Want.

Gumi's eyes widened, and she rubbed them in disbelief. "R-Rin? Is..." She gave a soft little yawn. "Is that you?" She eyed Rin's nightgown strangely, fidgeting and nibbling her lip. Granted, there were a couple of stains, but...It wasn't _that_ bad, was it? Rin smiled at the wonderful normalcy of the thought.

"Yes, it's me," she whispered. God, the familiarity of it all. _Being _with Gumi again. Seeing her pretty face and _touching _it. _Knowing _it. She felt her voice begin to break. "I'm here. I've always...always been here." Wavering, faltering. Emotions bubbled inside her. Her lip quivered, eyelids lowered. Heart began to pound. "Even if you're not here, I will be. I'll always...always be here." Truer words had never been spoken.

Gumi breathed in, shivering. She still had a frightful look, as if she were dreaming. As if the idea that Rin was inside her house and talking to her hadn't fully sunken in yet. Rin lightly ran her hand around Gumi's shoulder. A light, gentle caress. The girl's skin was so soft and pale. Completely blemishless. Perfection in its simplest form. A human diamond. Gumi gave a small sigh. "Is there something you want?"

The words were like ice. So cold... Did she really matter that little to Gumi? Was it...Was it too late? Had Gumi literally forgotten everything? Everything they had _done_ and _said_ and _made_ together. The very thought. The _very thought_... It made her want to cry. "Can I talk to you?" Rin asked slowly, breathless. With lidded eyes, she slipped her hand under Gumi's neck and began to feel more, more of the diamond's sweet coat. Ah, _delicious_.

"_Rin_," Gumi objected. "It's the middle of the night, for-for..." She gave such a cute little yawn. "For crying out loud." But Rin gave her such a pleading look, such a desperate look. Imploring. Back when they had been closer, that had been Rin's weapon of mass destruction. She could make Gumi do anything with a look like that. But now it was sunken in, tired, alone. It was perhaps the loneliest face one could ever imagine. And it was not forced. Gumi gave a slight smile. "Alright."

They got up. Step, step, step, step. Bare feet molested by the carpet, eaten by the carpet. Descending the stairs. The garage was their destination. When they were small, they had played and blown bubbles in there. When they grew to be middle schoolers, they had traded stories and giggled over boys. When high school arrived, they used it more seriously. Now, of course, they hadn't used the room in years. Its current purpose was a coffin for Gumi's recently deceased boyfriend. Rin suppressed the worst of grins.

_Hate him. Loathe him. Give me my love back. She was mine first, she'll be mine last._

Sitting down on cheap chairs with striped cushions, flicking on a lightbulb to dimly illuminate the room. Gumi crossed her legs to hide her panties, which were the only bottoms she wore. Her nightshirt was silky and light, and ended just above the bellybutton. Rin forced her eyes upward, trying not to show any sign of interest. It was difficult, to say the least. Gumi was so perfect, so beautiful.

"So, what's on your mind, Rinny?" Gumi began, smiling in her "usual" way. Rinny? That was her old nickname. What Gumi used to call her when they were close. Hearing it, she felt a wonderful feeling spread through her. Gumi remembered her. Gumi cared about her. Perhaps...Perhaps Gumi could still be hers. Perhaps it wasn't over. Gumi was hers, right?

Rin's head had long since stopped its seemingly ceaseless throbbing. Her breathing was steady, controlled. Her heartbeat was normal, quiet. Beating at an average, unobtrusive rate. Steady now. Steady. She relaxed her hands. Rested them on her lap. "Gumi, I love you. I love you so much and I always have. I always will," she said, speaking slowly and clearly, so as not to confuse or startle Gumi. "I know I have my faults, but I can change. I _have_ changed."

Gumi's hands were gripping her legs anxiously. But her face betrayed nothing. It seemed completely natural, if serious._ Controlled_. "Rin..." she whispered, as if unable to find the words. Gumi loved her too, right? Wasn't that true? Gumi was hers, forever and ever and infinity. Right? Right? Wasn't that...

"I'm sorry."

No. No, no, no. It...Gumi meant that she was sorry for dating someone else. Lying to Rin when she really loved her too. Surely! But hadn't she gone through the denial before? Hadn't she told herself it was all a lie, all a trick, and then gotten hurt and broken? What was even the point of _lying_ to herself, anyway? She felt the familiar tears pool at her eyes. A year and a half without feeling, without emotion. A year and a half of wallowing in her unrequited love, and _now_ she was crying. To see Gumi confirming what she knew was true, deep down, but didn't want to be...It _hurt_. It _hurt_ so much and she just wanted to _die_. Just wanted to curl up and _die_ and let it all go.

"I love John, Rin. You know that. And, besides..."

What? What could be more horrible? More _painful_ than that one idea. Rin unconsciously groped around for her knife, clinging to it once again. Like a child to their beloved blanket. Like a pet to its master. She _needed_ it. She _needed_ its support and constant 'being there'. Because Gumi wasn't there. Because her family wasn't there. Because she had no one, and she couldn't take this anymore.

Gumi smiled. It looked a bit bitter, but maybe that was just Rin's imagination. "I'm straight, Rin. You know that. I guess that's why you've always been single?"

But the joke was wasted on Rin. She was shuddering, convulsing. Her heart exploded in her chest, thumping loudly and clearly and ahhh, the tears were so warm and moist on her cheeks. It was an old wound, but opened up like this, it felt so fresh and new. It smarted and _stung_ so badly. She wanted so badly to deny it. To call it a lie and say she was dreaming. Hadn't she gone through this already? Wasn't this over with already?

In response, Rin smiled. She smiled and it stretched all the way across her face, from right to left. A mad grin like the Cheshire cat. But less deceiving. Less playfully sneaky. Her expression was perfectly readable. She had always been an open book. Someone easy to guess and easy to _toy_ with. She tasted the tears as they slipped into her mouth, and they were so sweet. The first thing to enter her mouth in days.

_See this body I'll show you this body look at him look at _me

She kicked the corpse forward, shoving him into the limelight. His hands were cut off, wrists still bleeding, bleeding. Chest pouring out crimson. He was a _hateful_ person. A _disgusting_ person. The way he took _her_ Gumi and made her into _this_. Despicable. Rin had _broken_ his hands so that he could no longer _taint _her Gumi. Rin had _broken_ his heart so that he could no longer _love_ her Gumi. And Rin had _broken_ his eyes so that he could no longer _look upon_ what was rightfully hers.

"J-J-John!" Gumi cried out, shrinking back. Her face was so horrified, so scared. Face so white and knees trembling. Looking as if she might _break_ herself. Rin felt the urge to protect her. To hold her close. To say 'I'm sorry. You'll never have to see something like that again'. But instead such a hate filled her. Such a loathing. Not for Gumi, never for Gumi. She gave the body another few _kick_s, another couple _shove_s. Because she hated him more than anything. And he just lay them, mockingly limp.

But Gumi did not cry.

She just sat in the corner, shocked. Hugging her knees so tightly. And eyes wide, eyes so wide. So weak, so helpless.

This was her chance.

Rin neared her love, stepping slowly and careful. Not to harm, never to harm. Gumi was her delicate little butterfly. The last thing she wanted to do was _hurt_ her. Caressing Gumi's perfect skin, settling on top of her. Rin lost control, and gazed down with dreamy, lidded eyes. Desire, _want_ filled her. Drawing her love close. Gumi was too shocked, too disoriented to protest. Or perhaps she didn't mind.

Rin kisses Gumi's lips, molded them. Shaped them to hers and made sure, made_ damn_ sure that no one could change them. Tongue tracing the edges. Marking her territory. A light, airy feeling took over. Dizzied her and made her feel sort of drunk.

_Love you_. _I love you_.

Gumi's face was flushed, saliva coating her lips. Her hands were instinctively pushing Rin back, but they had no motive. No force. Like Gumi really didn't want her to go away. Just like in her fantasies. Where Rin_ devoured_ Gumi with no hesitation, no mind. Just _love_. Just _want_. Just that oh so _lovely_ unbearable feeling.

But Rin knew that Gumi could never be hers.

_Stab_ went the knife.

_Ripping _flesh and _tearing_.

_Screams_ piercing the air and

_blood the reddest blood everywhere staining everything_

_Down_ every time. She brought it _down_ and _down_ again and it _broke_ her love. Her butterfly. Her unharmable unbreakable _diamond_. Her knife was her everything. Her Gumi wasn't hers anymore. Her family wasn't hers. She had nothing but her love, her endless love. And her knife. So she brought it _down_ and _down_ again and loved every moment of it.

"Give me more, more..." Rin cried hoarsely, tears choking her voice. "Tell me who you care about!"

She never expected an answer. But she got one all the same.

"You..."


	6. G Side

AN;; So this is the continuation I was mentioning. It's from Gumi's perspective, hence the title. There will actually be a _second_ continuation, since a few of you were wondering what post-murder Rin was like. And then it'll finally be over. xD;; Welp, enjoy.

Dear Diary,

This is my final entry. I don't think I'll have the chance to write it down. There are a number of things I've been hiding. I'm not going to giggle and beat around the bush here. I've done that for too long. You're supposed to listen to my problems without judgment, right? So why am I so afraid to tell you anything?

It's been like that since I was little. I didn't want to trouble anyone. My family was always so caring. I didn't want to be a burden to them. So I smiled and thanked them and took my cup of hot cocoa. I buried those problems deep. I pretended they didn't exist. And when I met Rin, it only got worse. She _didn't_ have the best family life. Her mother was always working and her father... I never really learned too much about him. I didn't want to make her worry about my own problems too. So I listened to hers. I helped her with everything. I told her it was alright, that there was no need to cry. While swallowing my own tears.

That's my first "secret", I guess. I'm not a happy, cheerful person. I tell people that. I act like that, on the outside. But only because I don't want to trouble them with any of my own problems. They probably have many more than me. More important things to worry about than whatever my young mind can cook up. And I'm happy, I guess. As happy as I can be. I put on that smile and giggle at the littlest things, and I watch everyone around me smile as well. It's nice to see them so happy. It's nice...

I'm not trying to be "selfless" or anything here. It's actually sorta the opposite, when you think about it. I want to tell everyone everything. I want to ask for help. I want to take and I want to be in the debt of someone else. But I don't get into those things. I'm afraid to. I don't want to be a bother to anyone else. I was a bother to my original parents, otherwise they wouldn't have given me to my current family. I'm not about to make that mistake again. I don't want to be a burden weighing in someone's mind.

There are some other things I want to tell you, diary. Too many, really. I wish I could get to them all. But it's only a matter of time, you know? I only have so much _time_. And I'm not about to waste that. I'd like to tell you about my fears, my insecurities. The little things I've never mentioned. The little things I guess I'll never get to mention. But, well, there are other things more important than those. More relevant.

Remember that modeling job I did? The girls didn't say I was pretty. They didn't say I was photogenic and compliment me. They weren't anything like that. They either ignored me or spit in my face, depending on the girl. Saying I had "common beauty". I was "trash". But I took it. I smiled and took it and swallowed any worries, like I always had. They hated me, and I just giggled and smiled around them as usual. I acted nice to them. It was all I _could_ do.

At school it was generally the same thing. I was constantly bullied, but I took it. I didn't want to make a fuss. It wasn't a big deal. It hurt, but I didn't show it. I never showed anyone. Not even Rin. Rin was my closest, dearest friend, and I didn't even tell her. I didn't tell _you_, and you're a book. I had no friends except for Rin. But I pretended I did. I pretended I was doing alright, I was generally liked and generally popular. I put on that sweet little smile and skipped through life with a basket of cupcakes.

When I met John, he was a bit different. He took the time to get to know me. We talked together during breaks and, well, he seemed to like me. We joked around a bit. I wasn't sincere, like always. For some reason, I felt a bit uneasy around him. He was just a normal guy. A handsome guy, granted. It was no wonder his mother had pressured him into modeling. And he was my age. But I felt like I had to get out of there. I didn't, of course. I just kept smiling on, on. I did like him a lot.

When we started dating, it became a bit different. At first, he would only snap at me on occasion. He had a pretty terrible temper. It scared me a little. When he yelled, I mean. Sometimes he would break things. He broke my cellphone once. He then said he was sorry, of course, and bought me another one. But it honestly scared me. I loved him, though. I really loved him. When he kissed me, I couldn't think of much else better. It was just when he got angry. And I could live with that, right?

I thought it was wonderful that we would be living together. My parents were away, living in our new house. They wanted me to finish my high school life uninterrupted, so I stayed. And he was to stay with me. His parents didn't care, and he felt the need to protect me. I was overjoyed. But it was a little more complicated than that. Out of a supervised environment, his temper worsened. He began to hurt _me_. I would come home from a terrible day at school and meet his fist. Maybe a few kicks, a dislocated shoulder. And I would smile at him. I would smile in the sweetest way I could and tell him I loved him. I wasn't lying, really.

When I wrote in you, I described our relationship as dreamy, fairytale-like. I wrote about the pancakes he made for breakfast (he actually burnt them and broke the pan in anger), how he just loved my little jokes (he told me to shut up and suffocated me with a pillow), and how my friends wanted him as their boyfriend (I have no one but Rin, but some of the girls who hate me actually did try to take him away). It felt sort of like a fairytale at the time. I had someone who loved me, who didn't think I was a bother. Who kissed me and meant everything they said and did. His kisses were sweet, that part was not a lie.

What _was_ a lie was me mentioning we were a "serious" couple. Or rather, that I had wanted it. He came into my room one night and... I still loved him, before and after. It was forced upon me, but I didn't hate it. I was scared and upset, but I loved him. Didn't I? I question that, but when I think of myself then, I felt it with all my heart. He violated me and I took it with a smile. I went on as normal. He did it a couple more times after. He did it to me just earlier. He "made me his". I didn't fight it. I never did. Afterward, he bruised me, saying I should cooperate. Even though I always did. I always tried my best to be the best possible girlfriend. It was all I had.

Rin was gone, after all. Rin, my closest friend. The only one I could really trust, could really feel natural around. The only person who saw me and didn't think anything bad. I remember showing her John. I remember her, crumpling onto the floor and sobbing. Maybe it was a premonition. Maybe she was trying to tell me that I shouldn't have been there, clinging to his arm. After that I didn't see her. I tried to contact her, but John would always plan something so I couldn't. He forced me away from my only friend, so that I depended solely on him. It hurt more than any bruise or dislocated shoulder. It _hurt_.

I guess that's my next secret. I loved Rin. It was the one best kept. I always tried to convince myself that it was just platonic. Or perhaps just random teenage hormones. But I cared so much for her. I still do. I'm tired of denying it, but I'm still frightened by it. I don't want to love another girl. It's unnatural, isn't it? I tell myself I'm straight, and yet, _she's_ in my heart. So I hid it. I hid it by being with him, even when I was scared. I told myself I loved him more. I wonder about that.

It's not as if I chose this. I know I don't like other girls. I'm straight. Heterosexual. Whatever you want to call it. And as much as it makes me uncomfortable, makes me want to deny it outright and feel _disgusted_ with myself, I love her. I love her and I trust her and I care for her more than anyone. When she woke me up in the middle of the night, I was so surprised. I thought it was a dream. It's been so long since I last saw her. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to cling to her and tell her to save me. To rescue me from this. But I didn't. I just lay there and felt her fingers creep along my shoulders and neck. I didn't want her to go.

I led her to the garage because it was where we went when we were young. Before I met him and when I could at least bear it. I used her old nickname, the one from back then. I didn't know what to think. I still don't. Her confession. She loved me. For once, I saw a light. I saw a way out. My feelings were requited. But I felt disgusted with myself. Even then, I couldn't admit that I loved her. I couldn't accept it. I cried. I cried because I was so guilty and hopeless. I rejected her.

When she showed me John's body, I couldn't cry. I was shocked. Horrified, even. I loved him, so why didn't I cry? It didn't make any sense. Instead, I thought of all the ways he had hurt me. I thought of how he had violated me, ruined me. And I just couldn't cry. I actually felt a sort of pleasure, for some reason. Seeing his handless wrists bleeding, chest gaping, eyes mutilated. It made me feel so good. He had finally "gotten what he deserved". I was pleased and horrified and disgusted. But I did not resist Rin's advances. I couldn't.

I do love Rin. I love her more than anything, and I can see that now. As she kissed me, as she kisses me now, I know that I feel the same way. But at the same time, I feel that this is the end. That is why I'm mentally writing this entry now, diary, because I won't be able to do it later. I'm savoring her kiss, her taste, before it all ends.

I love you Rin, and I'm sorry I could never say it. I never wanted to bother you, and I still don't. So please don't hate me. Please, god, don't hate me.

Because the one I care about is...

You.


	7. Delusions

AN;; So here's the second continuation I promised. Sorry about the wait. I have something to say about this chapter though. Half of it is real, and half of it is a dream. Decide for yourself which is which, and maybe give me some feedback. I'd really appreciate it. C:

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

Every single one coming in the absolute perfect rhythm and

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

But never any "tock"s. Always the same. Tick tick tick tick-ing throughout the night, and then some. Endless. Immortal. At least until you simply tell it to stop. But sometimes that doesn't work. Sometimes you shout it, you yell at time to slow and stop and _stop moving so damn fast_. But it grins at you in such a horrible way. It grins and just goes faster, faster. She wanted to think. She needed to think. She needed to stop and collect her thoughts and breathe and understand it all, relax.

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

The clock kept going on and on and on and on and god did she hate it. She wanted to _scream_ and to _rip_ out her hair. _Rip_ it out because she hated it, hated it for some reason. She couldn't understand. It was all going so fast and she _couldn't keep up_. The blood was settling, drying. Gumi's skin was lifeless and cool. _Lifeless_. Dead. But Rin wasn't. Gumi was dead, her _love_ was dead and yet she still stood there. Staring.

_Well why don't you just..._

_**finish it**?_

End it all right then and let go. Say a last goodbye to such a cold world. No doubt they would haul her off somewhere if she lingered. Jail? Probably. She ended a human life, after all. Gumi, and her _dear, sweet_ boyfriend.

_broke him broke his smile and made him **cry**_

There was no point in staying. She _loathed_ it all and, god, time. Time, that was what she needed. To make it _stop_ so she could think for once. But the clock just kept going. In spite of her tears, her screams, the way she just _ripped_ and _tore_ without thinking (head pulsating pulsating). It hated her. It was wound up with her in some bizarre hate based romance. And she wanted to hurt it. Choke it, maybe not to kill. Just so she could have some peace.

Let go.

She wanted to think, but she couldn't. She didn't want to live, but she couldn't end her life. Why couldn't it all just _stop_, if only for a feeble, fleeting moment? How come her head wouldn't stop throbbing and her screams, her _screams_ still ripped the air? Her screams and cries and _pleas_. Her pleas for help. Why wouldn't it come? Why was she always so _alone_? Why did everything always turn out badly? Every good thing, every happy thing. They all danced out of her grip, taunting.

"Stop _laughing_ at me!"

Silly Rinny, always chasing the impossible. Silly Rinny, always thinking people cared about her. Silly Rinny, silly Rinny.

"_Shut up_."

Your own mother doesn't want to see your face. Your best childhood friend, your _love_ abandoned you for some random model. You're a freak. You're a laughing stock. Hear that, in the distance? Those are your peers, your juniors, your seniors. Laughing at your life like you're some kind of clown. They hate you, Rinny. You melodramatic, annoying little weirdo.

"Leave me alone already!" Rin gripped her head with both hands. Both bony, bloodstreaked hands. Head pulsing, ears ringing. And that voice, never ceasing. Why wouldn't it be quiet? Why wouldn't it stop? She wanted to be alone to think, for once, and this thing just kept going on and on. That awful, hateful voice.

She lifted her arm.

Mistress Rinny, oddly skinny, how does your anger grow? With fruitless love and they give you a shove and, why

Why...

She brought the knife _up_. _Up_ every time. She brought it _up_ and _up_ again and it _broke_ her heart. Her body. Her seemingly infinite, unharmable self. Her knife was her everything. Her Gumi was no longer hers. Her mind wasn't even hers anymore. She had nothing but her desperate pleas. And her knife. So she brought it _up_ and _up_ again and _loved_ every moment of it.

...

Red

Everywhere

Pain, but it was

Delicious, somehow.

It was ending

All ending

Black

...

But not black. Because she was lying in bed, covers drawn up to her chin. She was comfortable and warm, and none of her hair had been ripped out. Her hands were not bloodstained, her nightgown was not torn. It was nice. She found herself smiling sincerely, up at the white ceiling. It was all over. It was just a dream. A horrible, horrible dream. Right? Surely, that was the case, and not the other way around.

A stirring beside her drew Rin out of her thoughts. Her heart thumped quick in her chest, and she turned over to see. And she couldn't believe her eyes. It was impossible. Simply impossible. This... This couldn't be.

Gumi, dreaming peacefully in her bed, snuggled in sunflower sheets. Eyes shut, lips gently puckered, chest rising, falling with every delicate breath. Beautiful. Rin found herself just staring, gazing. How could such a thing be true? What happened to John, the model? What happened to all the differences, all the obstacles? Perhaps she was overestimating things. Perhaps she and Gumi were still just simple "friends". There were many possibilities, and Rin considered them all as she attempted to calm her swiftly beating heart.

And Gumi's eyes fluttered open.

Such a sweet lime was revealed. Warm and so unmistakably _Gumi_ that Rin couldn't help but smile, smile all the harder. Gumi's lips curved in return, eyes lidding. Hands found each other, entwined. Enclosed about each other and held on tight, tight. But still feeling so gentle, so fragile. Her love was hers once more. She couldn't explain it. She didn't want to explain it. She didn't need that, anymore.

"Good morning, Rin," her _love_ said, shutting her eyes for a moment.

"'Morning!"

And though she gave such a cheerful reply... And though she smiled so sincerely... Rin found herself beginning to cry. She was just so happy. This couldn't be real, could it? To think that it was suddenly okay! She had been doing so much crying lately, but these tears seemed different. Fresher, but also less sad. She wasn't sad anymore. Not anymore.

Gumi came closer, slipped gracefully across the sheets. She enveloped Rin in her arms. Holding her close, close. So that she was buried in warmth, tears wetting her love's pajama shirt. Embracing, filling. Her hands grasped loosely at her love's back. Disbelieving, but not reluctant.

Because, however odd, however fleeting, her love was hers once more. And she wouldn't give that up for the world.

"I love you..." Rin whispered into the slightly wettened cloth.

Gumi only held her tighter.

"I love you too."


End file.
